just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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