matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
