I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
