You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize