I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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