dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize