White coat. Heels.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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