So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
