Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Randomize
