I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
