You just made me feel so damn special
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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