I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
