I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
