I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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