she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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