Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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