Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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