And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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