just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
