were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
