how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
