Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
