One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
