ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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