found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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