what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
