he thought i was a dude.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The power of my boobs compel you
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
