***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
