so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
