Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
