Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
