If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
