If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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