Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
In America we eat man semen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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