I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
