All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
