I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
