i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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