i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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