dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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