the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
