i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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