You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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