I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
