So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
