I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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