He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
