I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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