Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
