Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
