I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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