Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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