I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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