my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
