Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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