walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
