Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
