the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
