I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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