I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
