You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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