I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
