i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we're making bets on your personal life
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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