you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
