neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
