I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
