We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
